mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
