I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My balls are so social today.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My dick has a subreddit
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
