If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
