If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
