We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
