I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
