matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
