Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
