I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Of course I have a pirate flag
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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