Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
