Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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