he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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