No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
