i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
