On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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