WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
