I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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