I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
