As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't deserve a penis
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
