I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
