3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
