Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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