Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
that's an acceptable place to lick
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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