I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
