i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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