why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
