Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
