the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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