i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
