Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
