like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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