I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
