she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
