I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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