at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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