please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
