i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
