there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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