Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize