I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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