no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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