I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I can't put those talents on a resume
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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