Swine flu. Run for my life!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
