i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
