You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
