I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
