It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
