Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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