White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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