God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
