I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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