you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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