Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
