I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
