He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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