Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
