Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
