You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
