I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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