I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
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