people are starting to question the shark bite story
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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