Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
