I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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