everyone is single if you try hard enough
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So much rum. So many feels.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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