My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
