You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
