It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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