that's an acceptable place to lick
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
