Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
