These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize