she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
