I can't breathe out the right side of my face
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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