it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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