I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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