I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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