Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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